Well, hello church family. I'm grateful to be able to share with you today on how much God has helped me grow in my understanding of his grace.
When I was a young disciple and several years into my marriage, I went through a deep depression and considered committing suicide. I can remember days that I didn't want to get out of bed. There was nothing enjoyable about life anymore. There was such deep pain in my heart. How can this be God's love? Why do I have to go through such painful valleys? I was so insecure, I didn't feel accepted by God. Rather I felt like he had rejected me, but then I read the Psalms. They related to so much of what I was feeling during those times. In one Psalms David felt like he was in a pit, his tears drenched his pillow. He felt like he was in the grave and that really resonated with me. He always came back to trusting, God. God, I put my trust in you.
So I would cry out to God and ask why? Why was I going through such emotional agony? I felt I was not good enough. How could God or anyone else love me in my mess and my brokenness? I would pour out my heart to God and yell this doesn't feel like your love. What did I do wrong? No matter where I was at or how much I had fallen short or what I didn't do God's favor was lavished on me. He was there in my tears. He was there when I hurt myself. He was there when I lashed out in anger with my husband, many times. He was there when I could have died. His grace was always present. God's favor never left me. His grace carried me through.
I didn't understand grace back then, but now it motivates me more and more. I know that it's not about what I can do or how much I can accomplish. God's favor is knowing how much he loves me simply because he created me. I can see this. His favor has always been in my life and knowing that keeps me going and it keeps me growing. My hope is that, you know and you understand that God favors you. Thank you for listening.